Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Sweet 23

In 24 hours, I will be turning 23.  It sounds pretty insignificant to most, but for some undetermined reason this year is hitting me pretty hard.  Turning 19 lead to the last year where I could blame my reckless behavior on being a teenager without any inhibitions.  Turning 20 meant that I had an entirely new decade to explore.  Turning 21, for the obvious reasons at the time, was an exciting birthday and was followed by an exhilarating year.  Turning 22 meant that I could finally say I was a year older than the young 21.  And now 23....

I have been dwelling on the decisions I have made and the things I have done in the last 22 years and nothing strikes me as great.  My accomplishments are not as grand and as high in number as I thought they would be. At 23 (at least almost), I feel old.  I cannot quite put my finger on why it is that I feel this way, but I have an inkling that my expectations of myself have clouded reality.  Growing up, I assumed I would get my Bachelor's degree from a prestigious university, travel the world, discover myself, find a well-paying job, meet my soul mate, start a family, and embark on "the adventure".  So far, I have managed to receive my Bachelor's degree and have slowly begun to discover who I truly am.  Not too shabby, but my expectations have gotten the best of me.  My plans have changed quite a bit in the last 5 months.  These alternations to the "plan" have caused me to reevaluate my goals and what it is that I truly want.  I feel like I have spent the last 22 years on a roller coaster that never stops.  I have taken a number of things for granted and have gotten lost on numerous occasions.  Twenty-three....

A majority of the time, I feel like my doings have not amounted to anything significant.  I forget to consider that I have years upon years to do all of the things that I have planned (and a number of things I have not planned).  Up until a few months ago, I had no idea what sketching and painting were all about.  I was not aware of the fact that there was more to life than science and studying.  Now I lead a duel life.  A life majorly devoted to sketching and painting, and to a smaller extent science.  These two different aspects have melted together.  The sketch below displays these two counterparts in my life.  A double-helical strand of DNA separates the two halves with science on the left and art/photography on the right.

I hope to find the perfect balance in art and science, joy and sadness, confidence and insecurity.  And even though I currently have this undying feeling that I have reached the pinnacle of my life and am on a downward slope, things can only get better from here on out.  I have all of the time in the world.  

1 comment:

  1. i love you roomate and i feel the same way about so many things. I think we need to work at finding the art and beauty of science, like your beautiful sketch!